The Wisdom of Death: Press/Articles

Words of Wisdom
Veteran Riverside Policeman Paul Villanueva quotes chapter and verse on grief in a book inspired by the deaths of his father and father-in-law

By Lisa O’Neil Hill
THE PRESS-ENTERPRISE
November 5, 2002

His mourning band was on his heart, not on his shield. Riverside police Sgt. Paul Villanueva has covered his badge with a black cloth when fellow police officers have been killed in the line of duty. The action is a sign of respect, and a message to the public to tread lightly.

But Villanueva had no such outward display of sorrow when his father and father-in-law died last year within 2 months of each other.

The 16-year law enforcement officer took four weeks off from work to care for his ailing father – also named Paul Villanueva – while he battled liver cancer, and two weeks off after the elder Villanueva’s May 20 death.

When Villanueva came back to work, others expected him to plunge back into his duties.

It was not that simple, Villanueva said. The grieving continued.

Villanueva, who kept journals as his 70-year old father was dying, decided to write a book about his experiences.

He had sought out books to help him through the deaths, but he didn’t find everything he was looking for in one book. He said he wanted to put something together that would help others.

“When you’re going through it, it’s very helpful to realize you are not alone,” he said.

He began “The Wisdom of Death,” in June 2001. On August 1, 2001, Eugene “Udo” Eekhout, the 76-year old father of Villanueva’s wife, Linda, died of natural causes. The couple was still dealing with the elder Villanueva’s death, when they again had to prepare for funeral services while grappling with new shock and pain.

Villanueva’s book offers advice on a variety of issues, such as how to recognize the physical signs that death is near and how to deal with costs of funeral services.

Villanueva, who has a bachelor’s degree in biblical studies, also writes about how to say goodbye, how to recover from loss and how to help others who are grieving.

As the only son, Villanueva was expected to be strong, make arrangements, be there for everyone else as his father was dying. He was the cop who knew how to keep his emotions in check, who had already seen it all and had gone home.

“During the whole process, I was the rock,” Villanueva said. “I’m trained to be calm. That’s what I do. My training kicks in.”

While his sisters and his mother cried every day, Villanueva said he did not cry until later. And when he did, he cried alone, in the mountains behind his home, where he liked to hike.

“After everything is over, that’s when it hits you,” Villanueva said.

A photograph of Villanueva and his father with their arms draped around one another sits in a heart-shaped frame on the sergeant’s desk. Villanueva wears his uniform; his father was always so proud his son was an officer, the sergeant said.

It’s a snapshot that reminds Villanueva of the frailty of life and that people – not jobs, possessions or glory - are most important.

Grief and Loss Help Now Available on New CD Audio Book

Hemet, CA – Grief and loss integration author and speaker, Paul Ryan Villanueva, has recently released his book, The Wisdom of Death: Six Paths to Understanding Loss and Grief on a Compact Disk audio book set. The book is read in a conversational manner by the author. Villanueva related, “There is a large number of people who prefer to listen to a book rather than read a book, and that is why I recorded The Wisdom of Death on audio CD – to give people options and alternatives.”

The Wisdom of Death takes the wisdom of the ages and applies it to a six-path system that helps the reader easily and orderly grasp universal truths about death and dying. The book is both practical and spiritual, and is a must read for anyone going through the grieving process.

Author Paul Villanueva will be making available his CD audio and paperback books at Cameron Books located at 3077 W. Florida Avenue in Hemet, telephone (951) 925-6477 (Florida and Sanderson) on Saturday June 11, 2005 between 11:00 AM and 2:00 PM. Villanueva will be there to sign his Audio CDs and books and most importantly to talk about the dying and grieving process. “Every book signing turns into a mini grief seminar for me. There are so many hurting people who need a systematic and practical guide to understanding loss and grief,” Villanueva explained. The author will also give away a free CD set, book, and Wisdom T-shirt in a free drawing.

Villanueva’s articles on grief and loss have been published in Bereavement Magazine and in the Reformed Church of America Herald Magazine. He has facilitated numerous grief and loss integration workshops and continues to write and advise on related grief and loss topics. A 20-year Law Enforcement professional and Police Lieutenant with a local police agency, he has experienced loss and grief professionally and personally. He wrote The Wisdom of Death after his father and father-in-law died within months of each other (see www.BooksofWisdom.com).

He has a Master of Arts Degree in Behavioral Science from California State University Dominguez Hills and a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Biblical Studies from Berean University of the Assemblies of God. He is a member of the American Psychological Association of Graduate Students and resides in Hemet.
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Hemet, CA – Calvary Community Church is hosting a free one-hour seven-week grief, loss, and recovery seminar. The seminar will be held at 2010 West Menlo Avenue, Hemet, California every Wednesday night beginning October 9 and ending November 20, 2002 from 7 PM to 8 PM. Calvary Community Church extends a warm welcome to anyone interested in attending this beneficial seminar.

The curriculum includes topics such as the meaning of grief, problems in grief recovery, adjusting to loss, saying good-bye, recovering from loss, and helping others with their grief. Participants will also receive a free copy of H. Norman Wright’s book, Recovering From the Losses of Life.

Paul Villanueva, a 17-year police veteran who has experienced death and loss both in his personal and professional life, will be the facilitator of the seminar. He has been recently published in Bereavement Magazine and is the author of the book, The Wisdom of Death: Six Paths to Understanding Loss and Grief.

For further information and to reserve a seat, please contact Calvary Community Church at (909) 658-6532 or you may contact the facilitator at www.booksofwisdom.com

I've been in this business for more than 30 years now and I would like to
think that I have made a few valid observations over that time. One of the
most significant to me is; by and large cops are creatures of ego. We learn
that we have a certain image we are expected to project and after a while
that becomes the person.

Paul Villanueva has all of the outward indicators: high risk /high profile assignments (i.e. street crime enforcement, undercover narcotics, etc.), a "trophy-class" beautiful wife, many toys (Harleys, sports cars, Kubota tractor, swimming pool, ranch house on acreage), and the ability to bench-press a medium sized sedan and on and on.

Along with this image comes a tendency to relate mostly with other cops or immediate family members, and an instinct to mask all feelings to a great extent. After all of this, he is able to put these learned behaviors aside and make a very open and sensitive accounting of dealing with intensely personal events and their impact on him.

So far, I have one other impression; that he is able to include his reliance
on his faith without being bombastic about it, (something others in their
pontifications were not able to do).

Chief Brian Hebbard
Chief of Police
Commerce City, Colorado